Why can’t I keep a man? Is the biggest question that many women ask themselves. Yes, why can’t you keep a man? Well, let me tell you why?
YOU ARE DOING TO LITTLE and DOING WAY TOO MUCH!
The simple answer to this question is that you’re not regarding yourself worth. You’re depending solely on him to help you to see yourself value.
Why am I saying this? Because been there done that! I was recently divorced and notice that I was immediately looking for prince charming to sweep me away from my problems rather than looking at myself deeply and understanding what I really want and need to help me to feel whole again. Or in other words, how do I create happiness for myself without relying on a partner. By the way, I am not talking about HATING MEN or saying that I don’t need a man. YES, girl, I’m that chic that will tell you that I NEED A MAN IN MY LIFE. This is by no means to say I am desperate. I am just saying that I love and want male companionship without sacrificing myself worth or my core value systems.
So…. the other day while on my bday trip a young lady was upset that her boyfriend broke up with her. Then I asked her well, what is the situation? She stated to me that he was younger than her (way younger) and that she wanted him to commit to her. Actually move in with her after 1.5 years of dating – in her house with her stuff and with her rules.
Hmmm… I thought to myself this is a formula for disaster.
You ask yourself why?
Why would a young guy leave his freedom to be controlled by a woman? Unless he is looking for another mother figure.
He understands what he has to offer the situation which is NOTHING expect companionship – good dick and maybe helping around the house.
He feels less than a man and more like a boy in his mother’s home. The only thing missing at his mother’s house is the sexual part but THAT’S JUST GROSS! And guess what he starts to think like that! This is gross! This is horrible! This is NO fun!
So he leaves. He RUNS….
When I asked her if this was the real man that she desired? She immediately said “no” She quickly realized that he was a bench warmer someone who truly didn’t have the qualities she was looking for in a lifelong partner. Could he have been a good provider, someone she could marry and have children with? She looked with amazement and realized that she knew he wasn’t good for her. She saw the signs early in the relationship but choose to ignore them because of her need for companionship. Her age had her going crazy. She told herself a story that this could be the one because time seemed to be running out.
But was he the one based on her core values?
She wasted time giving her heart to a man that would only run as soon as she asked for him to move in.
Do you want to take care of him? Do you want to help him to achieve his goals? Do you want to mother him or have control over him? If the answer is YES then a good one got away. If the answer is NO then grateful that you can now focus your energy on what you really want and desire in a partner.
Anyways… this is one example of a relationship or heartache that could’ve of been avoided based on her trusting her instincts, understanding her self-worth, and acknowledging her need for a companionship.
So what you do to keep him?
- Acknowledge and understand what you want and need in your life.
- Be a silent warrior – understand the game plan but NEVER express it.
- Let him feel like he won something amazing by waiting to have sex 90 days which is the rule of thumb…
- Understand what he brings to the table as much as what you bring to the table. It takes two. What does he desire and what you desire?
- Action speaks louder than words. So don’t ask him to do things for you…. just open your eyes and see how he is putting his best foot forward.
- Wait… Wait… Wait patiently but be VERY busy while you wait don’t be too available to his needs… Anything too easy is easy to be disrespected.
- Have your own life! 50/50 rule… 50% of the time you are with him and the other times you’re accomplishing your own desires. The times you spend with each other make it exciting with little to no disagreements. This would make him want you more.
- Ask yourself if you are demanding? Jealous? Controlling? Obsessive? or Just plain out of control? Are these behaviors preventing you from keeping a good man? Hmm… then you need to rethink and accept your behavior! #JustSaying
- Don’t give your all until you get to know him better and his vision of the relationship. Because giving “your all” doesn’t keep him, it just pushes him away.
- Oh! It’s not necessary to be overly sexual or sexy! Let him imagine what he can get from you. Be a lady in the street and a SLUT in the bedroom when it’s deserving!
Follow me on FB or Instagram It’s_Timna
Ebook is out on Timna.com – Amazon.com What Da F*ck! The Naked Truth. or you can get a hardcopy
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