Michel’le said to Wendy Williams on her show on Oct 4th, “Well you stayed because it was normal.” “I took it in a way, of this was how he loved me.” “I was already doped up so, it didn’t hurt.” Michel’le also asked Wendy, “Why didn’t he leave?” “Why don’t the men walk away?”
Well, Michel’le, they don’t leave, they don’t walk away because they’re in control and they don’t want to loose the high of the control. It makes them more powerful when you’re releasing your power to them. They see the comfort of the relationship and see that you’re the “ride of die chick”. This makes them feel like more of a person. They can hide their true insecurities which are anger, pain, sadness, disappointment and judgment of self.
This interview was powerful, eye-opening and made me sad to know that this doesn’t only happen with someone’s strike of their fist but also with their words or lack thereof.
Many of you reading this may say, if someone abused me I would leave, I wouldn’t take that shit! Yup, many of you would! But what if this is the only thing that you know to be true regarding the way a person shows love, then you would stay until you physically can’t take it anymore. When your mind, body, and soul became sick of fear, and doubt.
You’re under the control of the overseer and you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel to get out of your situation so that person would stay. Some don’t even see it as a problem, such as Michel’le who saw the abuse has been normal.
They justify the abuser’s action by saying to themselves and others.
- Well, it’s ok, this is how he/she shows love.
- They don’t know how to love me.
- They had a bad week.
- They were under stress, under pressure, overworked, tired etc.
- It didn’t bother me.
- It won’t happen again.
- He/she were protecting me, taking care of, or helping me.
Have you ever thought about emotional or verbal abuse is the same as physical abuse?
The abuser is watching, stalking, controlling your every move and dangling the carrot of finance, power, and security; however, their constantly disrespecting you with their words. Crippling you with their lack of emotion or over emotion.
- You’re a dependent.
- You’re trapped within the web.
- Your family says it’s ok – you’re strong enough to handle anything but… Are you? Should you? What is your why?
- You’re the ride of die partner.
- You’re financially dependent.
- You feel obligated but unsatisfied in your relationship.
- You eat or don’t eat to compensate for the pain that you’re in.
- You’re popping pills, and/or drinking to cover up the pain.
- You have no friends or people to help you to see the light.
- Your partner does everything for you.
- You feel protected in some way but fear the wrath of their irrational, erratic behavior.
- You have post-traumatic stress syndrome.
- You have unknown ailments regarding stress from your partner when they are around you.
- You feel isolated from family and friends.
- You can’t sleep because you feel like you are sleeping with the enemy or stranger.
- You sometimes get embarrassed by your partner’s lies or their behavior in public.
- You’re hiding from yourself and others.
- You feel disrespected, feel like you have lost your power or self.
If you feel this way in your relationship then you’re an unspoken and broken person looking for a way out of your mess. I was unspoken and broken and I needed a way out of my mess so I left!
I had 4 weeks of clarity to help me to see through my mess. I wouldn’t call my husband an abuser but I would say at one point I felt like I was sleeping with the enemy. I allowed my she-power to be taken from me and I felt like shit! My stomach was hurting, my soul was broken and I lost myself in my relationship and I made excuses for my partner. I was emotionally fucked up!
After mine actually our 4 weeks of clarity, I decided to return to my partner but with an understanding that I would not be a verbal punching bag nor an emotional punching but a partner with equal rights. We both needed to change for things to work out so we did.
Remember, both parties have to make a vow to change.
He accepted his faults and I’ve accepted mine. It’s a work in progress. But one thing is for sure, I express myself without fear, judgment, blame or doubt and he expresses himself regarding his emotions, we take this seriously, listen, support and respect the each other.
Some relationships are hard to fix because it is a norm and it’s hard to break a habit. Other relationship can be fixed when both parties understand the WHY and want to make a significant change. They want to quick the habit cold turkey to move forward in the right direction. Is this hard? YES
Is this hard? YES
Is it possible? YES
Does it take time, effort and continuous training/education/counseling? YES
Is it right for everyone? NO
How do you know? You feel it in your mind, body, and soul if it’s right for you.
By the way, communication, acceptance are the key but if you and your partner don’t WAKE THE FUCK UP and make a change then you have to LEAVE and GET THE FUCK OUT… to protect yourself, and your soul. Please seek HELP from a counselor, coach, spiritual advisor to help you to make the right decision regarding communication, finding oneself and releasing toxins from your relationship. Whatever decision you make is between you and God. Remember trust your intuition/ gut it will never fail you.
Can people change? YES but they have to be willing to do the work for change. If not then you have to change to make your life better.
Remember, you may not see the bruises on your face, but you feel the bruises on your heart and in your soul.
How much longer will you take this?
How sick will you become before you say NO MORE!
It is up to you! Follow your intuition and listen to your soul.
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Photo credit 1: Michel’le Twitter page
Photo credit 2: Unsplashed.com – Jason Blackeye