It had to happen, it was quick, harsh, painful and it was a release. We had a Divorce. The Divorce was real it wasn’t something that we wanted to talk about. We knew it was the deadly D-Word. The word that pierced our ears, our soul, we didn’t want to utter the sounds of this word. This word was not meant for us but it came to us. We were so afraid of the D-Word that it haunted us for all the wrong reasons. The fear of this word, cause lies, betrayal, lack forgiveness, anger, frustration and a false sense of happiness. It forced commitment, loyalty, obligation and persistence of the relationship.
Why are we saying the D-Word?
What would people think?
What would my family say?
I went into her office, she was a beautiful, older white lady, with a pleasant warming voice, a spiritual reader, she was ready to tell me about the present and revealed a little of the future. Her office was hidden tucked away in a shopping plaza, secluded from the noise of the world, it was quiet, and relaxing. I was a bit nervous but relaxed at the same time.
As I sat in the office, I thought about what I wanted to hear, what question I wanted to ask? I thought about the book and the excitement of writing. I knew it was time for me to receive information about myself I didn’t know. I was stuck on the book and desperately wanted clarity and help. I was not focused on my passion or true desires or my relationship.
I was ready for her to help me to continue writing the book but she utter the words that I never thought of or even expected. She said it out loud as I sat down at her desk.
Timna… I feel the D-Word, DIVORCE.
I said, “What? I don’t think so! There must be another word!”
She had a puzzling look on her face and she said, “You’re about to have a Divorce if you don’t set aside your resentment, burn it, pray over it, forgive and accept the faults of your lover.”
I looked at her and said, “I’m confused, I have no resentment, I have no feelings of separation, no feelings of this D-Word”
I told her that she was reading me wrong, I had No Desire to accept what she had to say regarding the D-Word. This word was painful, stressful, confusing, stifling, and just plain bad. I fought her on this D-Word.
Then, I decided to be still, to be quiet and to listen to what this woman had to tell me.
I looked into her eyes and realized that YES… I was in pain but how did she know? Yes, I had resentment but how do I solve it? How can prevent the D-Word?
She then looked at me and gave me a prayer.
She said, “It takes two, both you and your spouse will have to take a big part in the healing of this resentment. It takes two.”
I walked out with the knowledge D-Word but NOT in acceptance of it. I laughed as I told my partner about the D-Word and the experience I had… However, I had no idea on the other end of the phone, he silently knew something was wrong.
Time went by…
The feelings of resentment for one another started to surface its ugly head. There was nothing for us to do about it, expect to accept the inevitable the D-Word.
Then one day the question was asked, “DO you want a Divorce?” I said, “Yes.”
First is was the explosion of emotions,
Then the big bang,
Then the physical separation,
Then healing separation,
Then the move,
The financial separation and agreement,
The proposal of the dissolve of the relationship,
Then It was the Reality of it all….
Then it was D- DAY the Divorce,
The Divorce of our old selves.
We had The Divorce…
We no longer wanted to be with one other… It was over…
She was right!
We had the Divorce
It was painful, emotional, devastating, we Divorce our old selves and after many conversations now we’re looking forward in dating our new selves. Will it work… We will see… Only time will tell… The only thing is that we are coming back to one another Naked and ready to court each other again, under new vows and new revelations.