I haven’t written in a while, but you know now it’s time to start again. The Scary Truth has been something that I’ve been meaning to write about but I didn’t have the nerve to. Well, here I go! Please if you want to judge me stop reading now! If you want to open your mind to new possibilities of living your truth then read on! I say this with a smile… #smile
Well, as you guys know relationships are continuous -progressive work with yourself and your partner. So let’s talk about this subject matter of truth.
Truth is the defined by Wikipedia as fact or reality, or even fidelity to an original thing. Truth may also often be used in modern contexts to refer to an idea of “truth to self,” In other words, to be authentic in your walk… so you may ask what the hell are you talking about Timna? ..How does this relate to relationships… well continue reading.
I thought about the definition of truth as it relates to myself and my partner. Wow… Truth… I was recently completely truthful to myself on my feelings towards my partner after 20 years of marriage. NO… If you’re thinking that this is a bad thing… Well it’s not…
Many people are afraid of telling the truth because…
- The truth hurts
- No one needs to know the truth
- The truth erupts situation and can cause something bigger to manifest
- You need to take your truth to the grave
- Never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing (WHAT??)
- The truth can cause a person to not trust you… sooooo ssshhhh….
- The truth never helped anyone (#REALLY)
Have you ever heard of any of these statements?
Well, I’m going to tell you that most of this stuff is bullshit.. because these statements can affect your physical and mental health… think about it, these statement celebrate lying. Well, some lies are good but… let’s think about it… the effects of lies or secrets on your health. Withholding the truth can increase high blood pressure, hair loss, can cause disrupted eating habits, skin disease etc. The overall stress of a lie can harm you physically and mentally. But guess what.. most of us don’t want to tell the truth because the truth hurts! It hurts ourselves and the people around us. It sucks balls! Facing reality can be a real bitch. Plus for most of us, we are scared to confront the truth.
Anyways, why am I saying this now… Because I’m tired of lying to myself about my truth which is that we fell in love, we fell out of love and both of us tried to hold onto something that was truthful in some ways but not in others. Oh, yes you may say being in a committed relationship takes work. YUP… Trust me I got it… but you can only work on something if it is in truth. The reason why many people fall out of love is because of the lost of truth. True Love is not clouded by lies and secrets of ones true-self.
If we reveal our true-self we start to ask ourselves these questions
- What will she or he think about me?
- What will others say?
- How can I reveal myself if everything seems to be ok?
- Do I want to change the existence of our current situation?
- Who am I now in my truth?
- What will it reveal about myself and my partner?
Many people go through these question and I’m no different.
Societies expectations of what is love…. I think Tina Turner summed it up when she asked the question, “What does love have to do with it?” The answer is EVERYTHING… And Love is Truth.
Yes, What is LOVE..? The Truth is LOVE. Love is the defined by Trust, Respect, Encouragement, Friendship, Teamwork, Loyalty, Faith and the belief in that the outcome will be great despite of the fog that might appear. Love is about being able to fall down knowing someone is behind you standing there waiting to catch you. Plus feeling comfortable to jump, leap, into the unknown, knowing you have someone who will help or save you.
Well my truth is that I didn’t feel like I was receiving love. I didn’t trust my relationship was fully in truth. I was not truthful about my lack of love for my partner because he didn’t live the life he wanted, which I would describe as living in secret and not fully living his truth and love within his self. Is this a BAD thing? NO.. Because I do love him.. I just don’t love the person he had become. The person that didn’t reveal truth to his feeling or lack of feeling towards me. I was done with not knowing where I stood in his world. His truth…
My number one question was -What is your truth? The other question was- Who are you really?
It wasn’t about infidelity, it wasn’t about finance, it wasn’t sex but the lack of intimacy, it was the secret of not letting me in… protection of self thought… not communicating whether good or bad. The bag of secrets was killing me and I couldn’t do anything about it. I felt trap in my “silent cage” The silent cage of his secrets and not being allowed to come in… I didn’t have the key nor did he allow me to gain access.
My mom called my relationship “phony”… hmmm I didn’t see it that way because I was living my truth… When I smile… I smile…. When I laugh… I laughed… When I was sad.. I was sad… I thought I was living my truth.. But a relationship is not about one… it’s about two. So yes… we were “phones” because the truth was that we both didn’t trust the other person and their intentions… We didn’t ask questions we just lived -life – in – silence.
And …. NO …. silence is not GOLDEN… It’s painful!
I’m not silent anymore…..
I don’t need to justify my feeling….
I love my partner but, we need to find each other again which is our TRUTH….
If you are in this situation or your partner is in this situation remember, it’s OKto say NO to the silence.. It’s ok to express your truth… Healing is in the truth… Getting to know one another again on a clean sheet of paper will allow the relationship to build.
Coming clean about ones thoughts beliefs, dreams, desires, fears etc. and listening without judgement.
Now if your partner doesn’t want to admit or hear yours or their truth; you have to get ready to admit to yourself that you guys are living a lie. You are not living life 4 real. Go with your intuition and if this relationship is worth saving you need to make some serious changes. Try counseling, confronting the problem, walking away to take a break or just changing yourself and allowing the other person to see the change in you happen. Allow yourself and your partner to find your truth so that you guys can move forward not angry but in truth.
Be free from the silent cage. #WalkingNaked and #Acceptingyourtruth and Theirs.
Just a FYI
OH I LOVE HIM and HE LOVE ME… SO DON’T THINK THIS ARTICLE IS SAYING THAT WE ARE FREE OF EACH OTHER, SO DON’T HIT ON MY MAN OR I WILL KICK YOUR ASS… LOL
P.S. I told myself that I have the best relationship.. but in actuality I didn’t. I knew this years ago, but since my partner wanted life to be perfect I decided to play the role of the goodwife… Hmmm… you know that show on CBS an opt out mom who decided to return back to work because of the loss of income in the home and her husband’s infidelity. She went back to a world in her past of being a professional lawyer and as the show go on she finds power in her truth… That she needed more, wanted more and the one thing is that she wanted respect of self! She wanted herself worth back. As the show goes on she regains herself respect and dignity through work and her individual accomplishment.
Anyways, that’s how I feel today. I want to regain myself respect and dignity through my own accomplishment. Don’t judge me! I’m just living my truth…#LiveLife4Real
*Thank you Lord for allowing me to share my story now I can finish this book!*