Recently I spoke to a woman and she told me her story about the silence in her relationship. I thought about it, and realized that many couples go through the same silence in their relationships. Have you ever silenced yourself in fear of retaliation of your partner? Or do you have a desire or passion that you choose not to talk about? Do you communicate with others and not your partner? Do you have silent messages that you tell your partner without actually verbalizing it? Do you withhold information thinking that you told your partner? Or actually not even wanting to tell your partner because of anger or hostility towards them? Well, this is very common; therefore, I decided to write about this today.
Sarah started to tell me her story and she had tears gathering in her eyes because she had a lot pain from her relationship. She was a silent victim to her partners silence. The silence of lack of communication, the lack of desire, and the lack of attention given to her was killing her quietly inside.
She explained to me that they both worked hard and traveled a great deal for their jobs and never saw each other. When they are finally together on the weekends they are still somewhat apart. They never talk about their individual pains, and desires. They just float through life. The funny thing is they seem happy from the surface, but there is a core issue to their frustration of their lack of passion. They always must do things with others. They don’t truly communicate. They sit with their laptops working over the weekend or attend to the kids needs. They may catch a game or a concert or have dinner with another couples. However, they only talk about the surface issues. They get upset when something sparks the pain of the past. But when it’s time to discuss the issues, its seems to pushed under the rug with another work trip or meetings. His health, her failing business, their teenage children, their extended family all being pushed under the rug for another day. When will this lack of communication stop. The silence is deadly to the relationship.
The story continues…
She asked me what should she do? How could she handle the floatation of the relationship? Do they continue to pass each other by without passion or do they stop and take a hard look at their situation? Will the hard look destroy the relationship? Will it open Pandora’s box? or Will it help their relationship to succeed? Do they contact a coach or counselor?
This was a hard subject for me because I was very familiar with this situation. It was very close to mine and many other couples. I myself go through the silent message regarding the lack of communication within my relationship its different but somewhat the same. The relationship may have problems or issues and no one wants to really deal with it because it may rock your boat. It may cause holes in your boat and then your boat will sink quickly. But I thought about it, will the broken silence really sink the boat or will it help the boat to repair and last a long time. Your boat may even become an antique with solid financial gain. This really made me think about my advice to her.
Silence is deadly! The more that we’re silent the more it fester within our mind, body and soul which then produces that lack of intimacy and passion in your relationship. This lack of passion is hard to regain because passion can’t be fabricated. It can only be natural. Passion is only true to the person that your passionate wit. This strong sexual feeling or strong emotional feeling for one another is something that is so LOUD it can never be silent. The silent message only deadens the relationship. So be LOUD and share your secret, your desires, your pain and your goals for the relationship even if it is going to hurt the next person. Let that person make the decision whether to regain passion towards you or to with hold it. This will allow you to fill the void of the emptiness in the relationship. This will help you to communicate within the relationship. Clarity and communication is the healthiest way to move forward.
Now, sometimes we communicate and voice our dissatisfaction then the other person does not listen or decides not to share. Now this is a problem. At this point counseling does work because you have a mediator to help shift through the noise and help the relationship to move forward.
Plus, please don’t avoid your issues to be happy because this can be a false happiness for a period of time until one person decides to blow up, side swipe you and serve you divorce papers then leave. I have seen this happen as well. Time passes quickly in relationships especially those relationships that you see your partner infrequently.
My Short UnProfessional Poem:
- You see me
- I see you
- Do you really see me?
- Do you really hear me?
- Do you feel me?
- What are you thinking?
- Are you noisy or silent?
- The silence is painful
- The silence is not being heard
- The silence is fear
- The silence is avoidance
- The silence is strong but weak
- The silence is not connecting
- The silence can be broken
- The noise is joyful
- The noise shows passion
- The noise shows desire
- The noise gives information
- The noise is bold but weak
- The noise is music
- The noise can also be a distraction
- Which one are you?
- Can you hear me?
- Can I hear you?
A small note
The noise can be beautiful as well as the silence? Yes, That’s why we call it LIFE… Lets look at the silence and the noise. Let’s look at the relationship and filter through the silence and noise to create passion.
Passion and communication are the essence of a relationship without these two your relationship can fall short or just float until someone becomes tired. This is not what you want. You want the relationship to blossom and grow. Let’s Lower the Divorce Rate and Build Solid Relationships!
Passion and Communication is truly the key!
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