Have you ever felt like your love one is a stranger? Have you felt like the person laying in the bed next to you is now a stranger, because you have drifted apart? Have you ever thought your relationship felt like a lie or at least half truth? Do you have some family members that seem to be strangers because your views are so different? Are you distant from your children because they don’t behave in the manner in which you wish?
Today, I’m going to talk about the stranger within us and the one that we love and care about which is our significant other.
The feeling of living or being with a stranger is real and is common in many households.
Well, this week I had a feeling that I was living with a stranger. Actually, I felt like a stranger in my own environment because the person sleeping next to me seemed distant and removed from my environment.
I woke up one night with a feeling of uncertainty and looked over to my partner and knew that something was missing or unspoken. Was he not telling me something? Did I miss something because we hadn’t really spoken in 5 days just a short text or a short 5 min conversation when passing. Who is he sharing his highs and lows with? I couldn’t remember if we had a deep conversation within the last few weeks. I was wondering if we were just passing each other by. Then decided to review the last few weeks of our lives together which we call a relationship.
I thought to myself:
- Where was I when he had that great piece of lobster at that fancy restaurant and had laughs with people I knew but didn’t speak to on a regular basis.
- Where was I, when he went on those trips, where he had conversations with interesting people?
- Where was I when he made a connection with someone and gave them advice or even shared a pleasant smile or two?
- Where was I when he met people, drank, laughed and communicated late in the night?
- Where was I when he didn’t tell me that he felt lonely, lost, stressed, or underappreciated?
- Where was I when he was given good news, my bosses daughter is graduating, my co-worker Sally is pregnant, Joe is retiring or Sue is moving to New Zealand for a great position in the company?
- I thought to myself, where was I? and why didn’t he share any of these moments with me and why did I have to hear it from someone else?
Well, I was home with the kids, writing my book and being lonely in my home office wondering about my next entrepreneurial moves so I can experience the same joys of talking to people, talking to strangers that may become potential clients or friends, eating at great restaurants and exploring the world with a lap top, a small bag and a mission to bring joy, information to a people living in a place that was not the same as where I live today. I was experiencing my own wonders of life but, it did not include him.
Hmmmm… But did we share any of these wonders with each other? NO.. we didn’t we just said, Good Morning, Good Afternoon, How was your day? GREAT and Good Night via text. Was there a phone call, maybe one or two. Is this my fault or is it yours? I came to the conclusion that it’s both of ours because none of us took the time to pick up the phone have a conversation about life and share our thoughts and feeling. We both were wrong. We both were disconnected. We both did not listen. We both were unaware of the lack of communication to the other.
We are strangers cohabitating in the same house but living our lives apart.
Have you ever noticed in your own relationships when you go out to dinner with another couple you find new information about your spouse that they never shared with you?
Like, oh, I had an exciting conversation with Joe last week about his project on building a better foundation for children with disabilities in India to go to school? Or I was walking down the street of NYC and I was afraid that someone was going to mug me and I slip into a store to avoid that feeling of being followed.
Then the spouse, looks with amazement while the partner is telling the story to a group of people. The spouse is looking wondering why didn’t he/she tell me this right when it happened? Was I busy, was I unavailable or was I talking about myself and he/she didn’t have time to talk about this their adventures?
Well, this is more common than not!
Many of us experience this because we pass each other day in and day out not truly knowing, acknowledging or bothering to know about the other person’s day. We are all at fault for this, the non-story teller and the non-listener.
We start to become strangers in our own house!
How do we communicate with our love ones better so, that they don’t become strangers in our house. How do they become a friend, a confidant that we share our highs and lows with knowing that they are interested in our day or week.
I think if the lack of communication continues in a relationship, the relationship tends to get sour and the couple becomes disconnected with each other. They build their own reality rather than their true reality of the situation which is living a life together not apart.
This is my thought for today!
If you’re in this situation and feeling like you’re living with a stranger then open up and have that conversation with your partner about not communicating. It is important for couples to share and listen to each other because eventually the relationship will fail and go to the waste side. You become like two moving arrows which will eventually collide. Talk about your feelings, if your partner loves you he/she would acknowledge what is missing and will try to fix it.
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