I know it’s been awhile since my last blog post. I was falling back in love with myself and my husband. Oh, I forgot also I’ve been working on my book, researching and having exciting conversations for the show and my upcoming book. I’ve also been traveling exploring the west.. VEGAS.. hanging out with great friends, talking about life and love. Yes, you know, it was my birthday and I had to turn it up because, I’m grown and sexy of course!
Well, while I was exploring my life and the stories for my book “Live Life 4 Real”, I realized that I continuously fall in love and fall out love with my husband. 19 years is a long time therefore, you have your ups and downs through the cycles of the relationship. Many of you guys may experience this in a new relationship, don’t worry this is normal.
What is Love?
Love is defined has an intense feeling of deep affection! Hmm…. Well, sometimes this intense affection decreases and dies somewhere in your home with the loads of laundry on the floor, being tired, kids running around and life happening around you.
Well, I just want to share with you that Love is something that you fall in and out of. It’s OK, you’re not alone! Trust me, I was there last month (lol).
What are some of the reasons why people fall out of love?
- You don’t always feel that deep intense feeling when you’re tired, overwhelmed and have kids! This is just the plain old truth!
- You find yourself unattractive so you’re down on yourself.. So you say, “why should I love my partner, when they don’t love me!”
- You find your partner unattractive because of aging, weight gain, hair loss, low energy, low motivation, lack of conversation, nagging, or just plain bored with the relationship or your partner! No Spice!
- Lack of attention.
- Just Annoyed! No motivation in the relationship!
- Interest changes.
- Your New Goals are not aligned with your partner’s.
- No support
- Your were blinded and had no idea of the “real” person you got involved with, now the real person is out and you don’t like what you see.
- It was love at “first swipe” Now real life has kicked the door down and what the hell! We hate each other! Not compatible!
So what do you do when this happens… My Story is at the end and it is juicy! LOL
First ask yourself these questions….
- Why did you fall out of love with this person?
- What is preventing you from falling back in love?
- Where did the love go and when did it go?
- What are the barriers that are blocking your love to flourish in your relationship?
- Where does your emotions reside? (hate, anger, frustration, discus, happiness, sadness, feeling and being overwhelmed)
- Understand your emotions and why you feel the way you feel, this will help you to have speaking point with your partner.
- This will allow you to truly understand why you have fallen out of love.
Are you willing to change? or Is this person willing to change?
Oh, I forgot Understand your Love Language:
- What makes you feel love?
- How do you show love?
- How do you like love to be shown to you?
- Where do you get love? From who?
- Why did you fall in love with this person?
- What are their good qualities?
- How can you spark love back in your life and your environment?
Now that you have answered these questions…
DO YOU WANT TO FALL BACK IN LOVE?
Let’s make it happen!
First we can only change ourselves and hope that the other person will make some adjustment with your right support! (smile) or NOT… It’s a Gamble! But change yourself first!
Now! Check your emotions and drama at the door! Look at your relationship, think about why you fell in love with this person! Why do you do things that you do in your relationship to keep it afloat? Who are you in your relationship? What do you really want and need!?
Now let’t talk about it!
I choose to think, feel and be sexy!! I also choose to empower myself and not look at my man to empower me! I was angry about him not supporting me in the way, I wanted him to support me. I also, was annoyed by the way he dressed and his smile. Over the years, I wanted him to be more healthy, more confident and more successful. This is what I wanted, but was this what he wanted? This caused most of our arguments and frustration. Oh, I wanted him to take out the garbage! LOL… This meant in my subconscious mind that he loved me! But he actually hated taken out the garbage and it was a chore for him! I actually don’t mind taking out the garbage! So who had to change? Me…. because it really didn’t bother me to take out the garbage but, it truly bothered him because I nagged and nagged about it.
Well, I had a hard conversation with myself about why I was angry and annoyed. It was me! I felt that he didn’t love me because he didn’t do what I wanted him to do. YOU GUYS KNOW I’M A DIVA! LOL
We had a hard conversation, on what each person had to change to bring the love back in the relationship! And of course, he said stop nagging me about the garbage! LOL
I told him, that I needed more, more confidence, more support and him dressing a certain way. Hmmmm… I seemed controlling…
He then told me he needed more attention, more affection, more home cooking, more loving, less working. Hmmmm…. He seemed controlling…
Well it was our truths!
So I changed, expected less from him and gave more of myself! I payed more attention, gave more compliments and guess what!
We went shopping (hey, I’m an image consultant!) He started working out! His smile became brighter! Because he wanted to do it for himself not for me! Plus, he knew what I was saying was going to make him more marketable to himself and work!
Wow 19 years and going! I have a crush on my man again! Sexy!!!!! He did what I wanted him to do! LOL… Oh, I did what he wanted me to do! Happy Wife, Happy Life!
Remember… this is a blog! Don’t read to deep into this!
Happy Anniversary and happy Valentine Mr. Swiss.