I was recently, given the opportunity, to discuss this topic with several men!
Why are men eligible and still single?
I learned something interesting, that men who are in their late 30s and 40s, that are successful, never been married, divorced, widower, no children, attractive and available are finding it hard to commit.
You may be wondering: Why? Plus, there must be some reasons for this problem or situation.
You may even be wondering why am I saying that it might be a problem, hmmmm…. because there is soo many women out there looking for men. Why haven’t these guys found someone? or Why don’t they want to commit.
I would like for you to think about this scenario:
You are a 39-year- old, sales manager, descent height, fairly attractive, 60% travel is required at your job, you are financially secured, living in a progressive city, sportive, free-spirited, loyal son, great friend, great personality, witty, creative, and spiritual. You are everything that every woman desire on paper and in person. However, you feel trapped!
I know you may be wondering, why does this guy feel trapped? What does he have to complain about or fear?
YOU (Society, The single woman, The taker, The giver, The family, The friends, and The job)
Everyone wants to know; Why are you single?
I will speak for them and tell you why? (a woman’s insight)
But first, if you are reading this and you are not that guy however, this guy is your son, your brother, your friend or you are dating him, Keep Reading!
Yes, that guy who is eligible to the masses “Why is he still single?”
Everyone other than this guy this section is for you!
- What would you do?
- How would you feel?
- What would be your want and need in a partner?
- What would be your insecurities?
- What would be your reason or lack there of to commit?
- What pressures do you have that was placed on you by society?
- What pressures or expectations do you have from the people who you are dating?
- Who would you be with?
- What limited beliefs have you placed on yourself?
- What baggage do you have?
- What wall have you built to protect yourself?
- What is your true-self?
- Are you really ready to make a change?
- What will prevent or provoke a change in your status?
- Are you stuck in the rat race of dating and out of balance?
These questions are hard to ask oneself especially when you have your cake and can eat it too!
Think about this:
What if you were given a choice of 10 different women, all beautiful, all fitting the qualities that you’re looking for in regards to beauty, who would you choose and why?
This process may seem to be easy to the naked eye but, it’s not because the question still feasters inside of you, “What if I choose wrong?”, “Do I even care?”, “They are all great! I will keep dating until I figure it out!”
The Guy is Thinking: The biggest problem is “What do I want?”, “What do I need?” “These women all know what they want from me!” A committed relationship.
Important Note: All women are not created equal however, there are typical characteristics of women by age category.
20s A woman in her 20s may just want to have fun! Plus the chances are that you may not be intellectually compatible. She may not want to get too serious to soon.
30s A woman in her mid to late 30s her clock is ticking! Enough said! Especially in certain cultures.
40s A woman in her 40s may think “been there done that,” she wants to know “what is really real!” She is all about enjoying each moment.
Remember: The single eligible bachelor can choose between any of these age groups. His window of possibilities are endless! Hmmm…. Are the possibilities endless?
For the GUYS READING my blog and are in this situation:
- You might be Confused with the overwhelming choices.
- You may suffer from “commitment-a-phobia”
- You may not want to commit, so you are always wasting everyone’s time and effort, unless she is in the 40 something crew.
- You are non-committal because you have no idea what you want and your window is wide open, “there is no need to rush!”
- You may be walking on a wire because damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
- You may have an ideal image of a person that is unrealistic so instead of settling you continue to date with no end in site.
- You date people that is not fully the person that you truly call wife material because of the fear of falling in love.
- You string people along preaching about the dream but, you are the only one that knows that dream will never be a reality because you are just too busy!
- You are really not ready and you panic when a lady says, “you are such a great guy, I would love to have your babies, when can you meet my family?”
So to prevent too much heartache and pain, JUST BE HONEST with yourself and with your partner.
Do not call her your girlfriend!
Do not bring her around your family if you are not serious! Unless you have skeletons that you want to come out so she can run.
Please do not sell her the dream, just give her the reality! You want a companion.
Here are some solutions for those of you who would like to retire from the single life:
- Be your own best friend.
- Find out more about your likes and dislikes.
- Be realistic in your thought process when it pertains to a potential partner.
- Understand your core values.
- What makes you happy? What fulfills you?
- Heal old wounds from past relationships! Talk to a coach! Be less prideful and more open to advice! Without non-judgmental advice you will continue to spin on the hamster wheel.
- Try something new to shake things up and see if this is really what you are looking for.
- Work on helping yourself become more aware of your intentions towards the next person.
- Build a network of friends who are in committed relationships.
- Ask yourself the questions:
- How can your potential partner be apart of your team and you apart of theirs?
- What are you bringing to the table?
- What are your past baggage and hang ups?
- If your past relationships did not work what went wrong?
- What were you lacking?
- What were they lacking?
- What went well?
Remember: You will never meet the same girl twice unless she is divorced!😛