How Can I Find Myself? The Quick Answer to Joy and Fulfillment!

Sarah is 35 years old, married with 3 kids. She is a successful attorney at a big law firm in Boston. She  loves to boost  that “Everything is going well for me.””I am happy!” Well this is far from the truth. She is actually lonely, unfulfilled and miserable.  She ask herself continuously questions like, “Why am I so unhappy?”, “How can I find more joy in my life?”, “Who am I in all the roles that I play in my life?”


How do I find myself?

Side Note: If you are asking yourself this question,

You are lost! Now is the opportunity for you to start working toward embracing Joy and Fulfilment!

We can replace the word LOST with these words:

  • Restricted
  • Alone
  • Misplaced
  • Stuck
  • Stifled
  • Misunderstood

Dog looking

You can not search  or find something if you have never lost it or it was never here.


Here are a few types of personality traits that fall into to the maze of finding oneself.

guy looking away

I lost my confidence!

  • I feel less than my peers, colleagues and others that are closest to me.
  • I was once on top of my game but, LIFE happened and I lost my “MOJO.”
  • I have unwanted demands from others which makes me irritable and drained.
  • I feel restricted in my environment. I am unable to express my true-self (or my believed true-self)?  I am influenced by others, such as my parents, family members, partner and friends.
  • People say that I have it all. But, I ask what does “it all” mean to me!?


I am Mr./Ms. confident!

  • I am a strong visionary.
  • I have a high powerful position.
  • I am the spokes person for my community (pastor, public figure, teacher, community advocate, etc).
  • I am an expert in my field however, I feel restricted in my role.
  • The expectations of my role and what it means to others is stifling me, I need to be free of this burden, but I can’t because it took me a long time to get here.
  • Some people may see me as a person that is well put together. However, I feel like I am not.

business man

I am the Pleaser!

  • I have great interpersonal relationships.
  • I have a great supportive family.
  • I have great friends.
  • I love to care for others.
  • I put people first.
  • I am caring, loving and selfless. I want to see you succeed.
  • I created an environment where I am the go-to person for everyone and everything.
  • I have to do it because this is my role in my family, job, friendship and the world around me however, I lost myself in all of this. What have I done for myself? Who am I now?


I am The Manchurian Candidate!

  • I was raised to be who I am today.
  • I am from a long generation of people who are Doctors, Lawyers, Senators, Farmers, etc.
  • I am a professional athlete or soon to be professional athlete!
  • I really don”t want to be in this position, but I have a duty to my family and community.
  • l feel truly lost.
  • I am actually an artist, dancer, graphic designer, singer, musician, play writer, actor, fashion designer etc.
  • I know I have been pushed in this direction but, there is no way out because too many people have invested in me.
  • I would love to tap into my creative side or just another role other than the one that I am in.

Processed with VSCOcam with hb2 preset

I am The Lonely Wolf!

  • I am the person that only has acquaintances.
  • I never really show my true – self.
  • When I have conversations it is always on the surface: “the weather is amazing today.” “I’m doing great!” “my job is great,” “my family is great,” ‘everything is great…”
  • I never show how I truly feel because I am afraid of what others may think of me.
  • I am afraid to truly give myself to others because of my fear of judgment and critique.
  • I am successful in my own way. I create goals and carry out them.
  • I do not share my accomplishment with others.
  • I do not have any meaningful relationships.
  • I am empty because I live in my own thoughts. I do not share or allow others to come into my world.



Ask Yourself These Questions:

  • How bad do I really want to find my true self?
  • Am I ready to make a BIG shift in my life?
  • Do I really want to let go of _____________ ?
  • Why am I holding onto this role/habit/job/relationship/friendship/career/belief system?
  • Am I holding onto something that is comfy and cozy?

Note: It is hard to give up or change a habit that seems difficult to break but you can do it!

  • I am trying to find happiness, but I am always failing…

Note: Trying is the *word*… You are trying not doing!

  • What do I  need to do to gain happiness?
  • What do I need to let go of to gain freedom?

in the water

So, the original question was, “How Can I Find Myself?”

  • Define yourself!
  • Understanding your true you and knowing who that is.
  • Removing outside influences in making the definition of who you are truly.
  • Giving yourself time for self discovery.
  • Work with a coach to unblock yourself.
  • You need to want to Get UNSTUCK!
  • Write in a journal, envisioning the things that your heart desires.
  • Have a plan or goal.
  • Start being aware of your environment, lift your head and put down your phone/ take a social media break.
  • Be aware of what you like and dislike. Write it down or make a mental note.
  • Start doing the things that you do like.
  • Share yourself with someone else by doing the things that you love.
  • Find a partner that shares your interest.
  • Surround yourself with positive self talk and positive people.

thinking Timna

The Next Question:

Are you comfortable enough not to change?

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