Can I Find Freedom in a Committed Relationship?

Defining Commitment

Google defines commitment as an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.

Merriam-Webster defines commitment as a promise to be loyal to someone or something.


When we look at these definitions you can’t help, but to wonder…


Why are people afraid of commitment?

Why purchase the store, when you can get the candy for free?

Here are things that people tell themselves to reinforce their fears:

Lack of Freedom:

Thoughts of Men & Women- I have to  tell you where I am and when I will be back… (Really) No more girls or guys night out.

Loss of Identity:

Thoughts of Men- I am supposed to be the man with the master plan, but I really want to chill. I am one way around my friends, another around my coworkers and now I have to be else someone around you. This is too much!

Thoughts of Women- I am giving up a part of myself. Who will I be when I am with you?  Especially, when we have kids, who will I be then!

Loss of Personal Space: 

Thoughts of Men- Where is my man cave? I need my personal time with the fellas.

Thoughts of Women- When we move in together, you will be in my space, I am feeling claustrophobic. I lived alone for the last 10 years. I do not know how to live with someone else. I don’t want someone complicating my life.

Move Back
Move Back

Feeling of Entrapment:

Thoughts of Men & Women-  I am selfish, I want it, when I want it. I still have time.

Burned and Afraid of Getting Hurt: 

Thoughts of Men & Women- Why would I want to be in a situation where I am vulnerable again. We are great the way we are. When I love, I love hard. I don’t trust any more. All women cheat. All men cheat. I am not opening up my heart again.

Fear of One Sex Partner Forever (Having and eating the same cookie): 

Thoughts of Men & Women- I love you today, but what if  it gets boring or I want someone else.

Fear of Walking on a Tight Rope (Will it work)

Thoughts of Men & Women- Will this relationship actually work. My parents lived apart and still raised me. I am fine.

The light!
The light!

When we look at the thoughts of people and the phobia that lies behind it, we can challenge the limited belief system by looking at each individual situation with possibilities of change.

If you think of  “LIFE IS AN OPPORTUNITY” then we can break down the walls of commitment issues and look at the light at the end of the Rainbow.  Here are some ways that you can be in a Committed Relationship with the access of inner freedom and peace.


1. Talk about what you really want in your relationship – Define commitment with your significant other. What does that mean to them and how does that relate to you?

2. Stop looking at the things you don’t want and focus on the things you do want. Have that conversation! Come to a place where you both feel comfortable and be specific! Truth is Power!

3. Be an advocate for yourself. Only you know what you really want. You can have a feeling of empowerment.

4. Truly understand personal time and space. Add and respect the time and space apart “ME TIME”.

5. You should make your own rules for your relationship. Revisit these rules and tweak them from time to time. As we grow and evolve, our relationship will grow and evolve.


Happy Couple
It Is A New Year

If you truly want it! Grab it! Stop making EXCUSES for your lack of commitment. Commitment does not have to be a dirty word. It just needs to be redefined by you and your significant other.


photo credit: Sean Molin Photography via photopin

photo credit: <a href=””>JD Hancock</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>cc</a&gt;


5 thoughts on “Can I Find Freedom in a Committed Relationship?

  1. These are awesome ways to think differently about the fears of being “TOO CLOSE” to someone without room to breathe and be free! Especially the part about speaking up and being your own advocate…thank you!!!

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