Since the 1970’s the term “Open Relationship” has been talked about and discussed among couples. Having an open relationship means that both parties have agreed on some type of term that their partner or themselves can have sexual relations with someone else. This world can be very tricky.
The Woman Who Waits
In this room is a woman waiting for her lover. Her husband said, that he is fine with her having sexual desires and intimate relations with someone other than himself. As she awaits for her lover. I wonder, “is she thinking about her man or just about her desires? Is she doing this because her husband is unfaithful, therefore, she feels that she must attempt the same behavior to justify his infidelity.” Or is it something that they both generally agreed upon.
In this room awaits a woman who is anticipating a pleasurable moment with someone else’s husband. He is on his way to have an intimate session with her. They met earlier on in the week at a conference. She knew he was taken, but he told her that he has an “open door” to pleasure. He told her that he is allowed to have an extra marital arrangement. She agreed to have this time with him knowing that he was married. He proved that this moment will be OK by a text sent by his wife saying “Have fun, just use a condom!”
You may now be thinking WHAT THE HELL!
Well, yes, this is a hard concept for many people to understand. The “why” can be understood by researching the mindset of those who choose this option in their relationship.
SIDE NOTE: How many people have a “BABY DADDY” and is still having a relationship with this person knowing that this person is still with other people. Hmmm.. Is that an open relationship?
The factors around trust:
- A healthy long-term relationship can agree and be comfortable in engaging in some type of open relationship. This is based on the confidence in the relationship.
- Setting rules and boundaries around the contract.
- Communicating each others intentions.
- Having clear line and understanding of the different types of openness (threesome, swinger, dating outside of the relationship, and occasional flings)
- No secret love affairs
The factors around distrust:
- Your partner is a “hunter” always seeking new meat and you only want to do it occasional when there is a clear opportunity.
- When the exploration deplete the current relationship. Lack of communication and intimacy
- When jealousy arise after an extramarital experience occurs
- When the reaction is anger, rage or guilt.
- When the party disrespect the other or break rules perviously set
Interesting facts about people in Open Relationships:
- More women than men approve of this because of the woman movement
- Younger couples who are middle to upper class
- Couples with upper management positions
- Child-free couples
- The sexual appetite of one partner is higher and the other can not meet the needs
- Partners needing more freedom to explore sexual desires
- Low parental guidance when growing up
- People who marry at a young age
Questions to ask oneself
- Who am I?
- What do I really want in a relationship?
- Do I want to be in a monogamous relationship for the next 50 years?
- Do I want an open relationship where I can do whatever I want?
- Am I open to wanting a free card once in a while? Every 5 years itch
Questions to ask yourself, regarding expectations of your partner
- Who is he/she?
- What does my partner really want?
- Does what my partner truly fit in with my belief systems?
- Is my partners belief system to strong or overbearing?
- Are we open for discussion?
- Can we find a balance within our relationship?
You are you and I am me, do we really need to discuss this, maybe we just need a contract of silence… Hmmmm…